Infertility and Loss Over the Holidays: Caring for Yourself When the Season Feels Heavy
The holidays can amplify the emotional weight of infertility and pregnancy loss. While the season celebrates togetherness, milestones, and family traditions, your path may look and feel different — and that’s valid. This guide brings clarity and compassion to a complicated time, helping you protect your wellbeing while staying connected to what matters most to you.
Author
Tassia O’Callaghan
Reviewed by
Kayleigh Hartigan
19 min read
Why the holidays can feel particularly hard when you're facing infertility
The holiday season can feel like a lot of expectation for those facing infertility — all the traditions, all the family-images, all the “perfect” gatherings built around children and togetherness. That mix of cultural pressure and personal longing triggers the limbic system (your emotional brain) in ways that are deeply draining. In fact, when societal messages keep emphasising “you should be celebrating a family this way”, the resulting emotional load can fuel anxiety, grief and the feeling of being “out of sync”. [1]
Then there’s the mental load of managing triggers: pregnancy announcements, baby-firsts, questions from relatives about timelines, changed routines, less privacy, more socialising. These create what psychologists call a “trigger environment” which can stress the body’s Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis — leading to fatigue, emotional overload and a persistent sense of alertness. [2]
And let’s not gloss over the grief and loss you might already be carrying — a miscarriage, a failed cycle, a hope unfulfilled — all of which the holidays can magnify. Research shows that infertility and its treatment can impact quality of life and increase stress for all those involved (men, women, non-binary people); not because you’re “doing something wrong”, but because it’s a major life disruption. [3,4,5,6]
You’re navigating not just what happens in the holiday season, but how your brain and body are wired to respond to cultural, relational and emotional cues — and recognising that is the first step in creating a less painful, more self-compassionate holiday experience.
How to deal with infertility during the holidays
The holidays can intensify what you’re already carrying, especially when every celebration seems to orbit around children, milestones, or the future. You’re not imagining it — the NHS recognises infertility as a significant emotional stressor, with many people experiencing anxiety, sadness and a sense of isolation during treatment or after loss. These feelings can sit alongside hope, determination and the desire to protect your peace. You’re allowed to make choices that support your wellbeing. [7]
Here are grounded, practical ways to navigate the season with more clarity and less emotional strain:
- Set boundaries early: You can decide what you attend and what you don’t. Simple statements work. “We’re keeping things low-key this year.”
- Plan emotional “escape routes”: You can take breaks, step outside, or leave early. Build options into your day so you never feel trapped.
- Create new traditions: You can design a holiday that reflects where you are right now. Quiet mornings. Walks. A new meal. A ritual that honours your path.
- Let yourself opt out: You can say no to moments that feel too heavy — especially events centred around pregnancy or children.
- Choose people who support your wellbeing: You can spend time with those who understand, listen and don’t ask intrusive questions.
- Give grief and hope space to coexist: You can feel proud of your resilience and still acknowledge what hurts. Both are real. Both deserve room.
- Share what you want to share: You have no obligation to describe your fertility journey in detail, and at the same time, if you want to share with people you trust, you can. Sometimes, talking about it ahead of the holidays can give friends and family members a heads’ up that you might want time to yourself or distractions when the festive season arrives. [6]
Preparing emotionally (before December)
Preparing early can make the holiday season feel clearer and less overwhelming. Giving yourself time to understand what you need — and what you don’t — helps you move into December with more control and less pressure. And if you’re in treatment, remember that many fertility clinics adjust their schedules during the festive period, which can temporarily pause appointments or monitoring.
Here are supportive ways to prepare in advance:
- Identify your triggers early: You can notice the situations, conversations or events that feel heavy, and plan around them before they appear.
- Decide how you want to spend the season: You can choose quiet days, different locations, or smaller gatherings — whatever supports your emotional wellbeing.
- Choose what you won’t do this year: You can take certain traditions off your list. Not forever. Just for now.
- Practise responses to questions: You can keep a few simple lines ready, so you feel steady rather than caught off guard.
- Stay connected to someone supportive: You can check in with a partner, friend or community who understands infertility and won’t minimise your feelings.
- Check in with your clinic: If reduced hours or holiday pauses make you feel like you’re losing momentum, your clinic team can explain what to expect and when things restart. You are still on your fertility path, even if the calendar slows down.
Responding to holiday pregnancy announcements (in person or online)
Holiday pregnancy announcements can land with a weight you didn’t choose. They can be joyful for someone else and painful for you — both truths can exist at the same time. Protecting your emotional safety is not a sign of resentment or disconnection; it’s a sign that you’re honouring what you’re carrying. You can stay compassionate and set boundaries. You can care about people you love and give yourself space where you need it.
Here are grounded, clear ways to support yourself through announcements this season:
- Gentle acknowledgment (when you want to respond, but need distance):
- “Thank you so much for sharing your news. I’m really happy for you, and I’m holding a lot personally, so I may be a little quiet — but I’m sending you all my warmest thoughts.”
- “I really appreciate you telling me directly. It’s lovely news, and I’m wishing you all the best while I take a bit of time for myself.”
- Pausing replies (when you need to step back):
- “I’ve seen your message — that’s wonderful news. I’ll reply properly when I’m in the right headspace.”
- “Thank you for sharing. I’m genuinely glad things are going well for you. I’ll catch up when things feel a touch lighter on my end.”
- Opting out of group chats or threads:
- “Such lovely news. I’m stepping back from the chat for a little while to look after myself, but please do keep celebrating.”
- “Muting for now and wishing you all a joyful holiday season — I’ll rejoin when I have a bit more emotional space.”
- Neutral, safe language (when you want to stay connected without diving into details):
- “Thank you for letting me know — really happy to hear things are going well.”
- “So pleased for you. Thank you for sharing your news with me.”
You’re allowed to make online spaces feel safer. Muting, hiding, or snoozing accounts — even temporarily — can give you breathing room during a period that’s visibly dominated by baby announcements and family-focused posts. Quiet mode, limited scrolling, or curated friend lists help you stay connected without being overwhelmed. These are practical tools, not signs of avoidance or disconnection.
Protecting your relationships without abandoning yourself
Relationships can stay intact even when you set boundaries. You don’t need to explain your fertility path or your emotions in depth to justify your needs. When you step back, you’re giving your nervous system space to regulate, not withdrawing your care. If someone is important to you, you can revisit the connection when you feel steadier — on your timeline.
You’re allowed to take up emotional space during a season that often expects you to “push through”. You can choose honesty, distance, gentleness, or a mix of all three. Your wellbeing comes first, and the people who matter will understand.
Managing gatherings, traditions, and family expectations
Holiday gatherings can feel complicated when you’re navigating infertility. You might be expected to join in traditions that no longer feel grounding, attend events centred around children, or answer questions you didn’t invite. You’re allowed to shape the season around what you need — not what others assume you should do. Choosing your pace, your boundaries and your version of “showing up” is a form of care, not withdrawal.
You can decide which invitations you accept, and which ones you decline. Smaller gatherings, shorter visits, or staying home entirely are all valid choices. If you need to leave early, that’s allowed too. A couple of simple lines can help you step away without guilt:
- “We’re keeping things low-key this year.”
- “We’re focusing on rest — thank you for understanding.”
- “We’re planning a quieter season — it’s what we need right now.”
- “We might not make everything this year, but we appreciate the invite.”
- “We’re choosing plans that feel manageable for us at the moment.”
- “We’re being intentional about what we commit to — thank you for being flexible.”
When celebrations are centred around children, it’s okay to protect yourself. You can sit where you feel comfortable, arrive later, take breaks, or skip parts of the day that feel overwhelming. Emotional safety matters as much as social obligations.
- “We’ll join for the first part and see how we feel.”
- “We may dip in and out — thank you for understanding.”
- “I’m going to take a breather for a moment.”
- “I’m stepping outside for some fresh air — back in a bit.”
- “We’ve had a lovely time, and we’re heading off to recharge.”
- “We’re going to slip out shortly — hoping you enjoy the rest of the evening.”
- “We need an early night, so we’ll say our goodbyes now.”
- “We’ve reached our limit for today, but it’s been good to see you.”
If comments cross a line — whether it’s questions about timelines or unsolicited advice — you can respond calmly and clearly:
- “We’re not discussing that right now.”
- “Thank you, but we’re managing things privately.”
- “I know you mean well, but that’s not something we’re discussing right now.”
- “We’re taking things step by step and keeping the details private.”
- “That’s a sensitive topic for us, so we’d prefer to leave it there.”
- “I appreciate your interest, but we’re navigating this in our own time.”
Advocating for your needs doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you human. You’re navigating an experience with real emotional weight, and you’re allowed to prioritise your wellbeing — as a couple or as an individual — in every room you enter this season.
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Navigating grief after pregnancy loss during the holidays
Grief after pregnancy loss can feel sharper during the holidays. The season carries its own set of expectations — celebration, togetherness, milestones — which can intensify feelings of absence, longing and unfairness. Whether your loss was recent or years ago, early or later in pregnancy, visible to others or held quietly within you, it matters. Every type of loss deserves recognition: early loss, missed miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, TFMR (terminated for medical reasons), chemical pregnancy and stillbirth. Your experience is real, and your grief has a place here.
You may notice certain moments feeling heavier than others: due dates you never reached, scan dates you remember vividly, or anniversaries that return without invitation. These dates can surface alongside holiday traditions and family dynamics, creating an emotional overlap that’s hard to carry. You are not expected to “be okay” because the calendar says it’s a joyful season. You can give yourself permission to feel whatever is present — sadness, tenderness, love, anger, hope, or all of them together.
Honouring your baby or your experience in a way that feels right to you can bring a sense of grounding. That might look like lighting a candle, journalling, placing an ornament on a tree, visiting a meaningful place, or simply speaking their name. Any gesture — big or small — is valid if it supports your emotional wellbeing. Support can also come from your partner, trusted friends, peer communities or mental health professionals who understand pregnancy loss. UK services including counselling through the NHS, specialist bereavement charities, or loss-focused support groups can offer additional space to talk through what you’ve been carrying.
You’re not moving backwards when the grief resurfaces during the holidays. You’re responding to a meaningful experience in a season that highlights what’s missing. You can approach this time with gentleness, boundaries, and the support you deserve.
What to do when you’re taking a break from fertility treatment over the holidays
Many fertility clinics reduce their opening hours over the holidays to ensure safe staffing levels, laboratory cover, and the ability to manage cycles without interruption. This is a standard part of how UK fertility services operate, both in the NHS and privately. But even when you understand why clinics pause, the shift in pace can still feel destabilising. When you’ve been counting days, tracking cycles or planning treatment steps, being asked to wait can feel like losing momentum.
A pause, though, is not a setback. Your path is measured over months and stages, not individual calendar weeks. You haven’t missed your window. You haven’t fallen behind.
What you can do during a holiday break is focus on the parts of your wellbeing that treatment often pushes to the side.
- Emotional recovery: You can give your mind space to rest after the intensity of appointments and monitoring.
- Connection: You can spend time with the people who make you feel grounded and understood.
- Health and routine: You can return to gentle movement, nourishing food or sleep patterns that support your body without pressure.
- Planning next steps: You can use this pause to understand your upcoming treatment pathway, check in with your clinic about January timelines, or read through your HFEA treatment consent information at a calmer pace.
- Letting your nervous system breathe: You can give yourself permission to stop bracing for the next scan, blood draw or phone call. That alone can bring more clarity when treatment resumes.
A treatment pause doesn’t mean your fertility path has stalled. It means the system around you is taking a brief, predictable break — and you’re allowed to use that time to steady yourself, rebuild your reserves and step into the new year with more clarity and less strain.
Recognising when you need space (and what that can look like)
Needing space during the holidays is not avoidance — it’s a protective response to an emotionally demanding experience. Fertility treatment and the uncertainty surrounding it can heighten stress, anxiety and emotional fatigue. Recent research shows that infertility can significantly impact psychological wellbeing, often increasing the need for boundaries and intentional rest when emotional load is high. [8]
Knowing when to step back — and acting on it — is a form of grounded self-care. It helps your nervous system settle, gives you space to process what you’re carrying, and lets you move through the season at a pace that feels manageable. Here are supportive ways that “taking space” can show up:
- Taking breaks from group chats: You can mute conversations, pause notifications or step away for a few days. You’re not disconnecting from people — you’re creating room to breathe.
- Digital detox: You can reduce your time online, especially when social feeds become saturated with family-centred content. Even short breaks can ease emotional overwhelm.
- Muting people online without unfollowing: You can curate what you see without changing relationships. Most platforms now let you “snooze” or mute accounts quietly.
- Creating physical space at gatherings: You can step outside, sit in a quieter room or take a walk. A moment of calm can help you stay grounded.
- Choosing your version of the holidays: You can redesign the season around what supports your emotional wellbeing — quieter days, different traditions, smaller gatherings, or celebrations that look nothing like what others expect.
You’re allowed to shape your environment, your interactions and your time in whatever way helps you feel safe, supported and centred on your fertility path.
How to cope with social media over the holidays
Social media can feel especially charged during the holidays. The constant stream of family photos, pregnancy announcements, and child-centred celebrations can activate what psychologists describe as upward social comparison — the tendency to compare yourself to people who appear to have what you’re longing for. [9]
You’re allowed to make online spaces feel safer — not because you’re avoiding life, but because you’re protecting your wellbeing during a season that can feel more intense than usual. Here are supportive ways to create gentler boundaries with social media:
- Muting seasonal keywords: You can mute words like “pregnancy”, “baby”, “due date”, “Christmas morning”, or anything that feels triggering. Most platforms now let you hide specific terms from your feed.
- Using “quiet mode”: Features on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook allow you to pause notifications or set limits. You can build in pockets of calm without deleting apps altogether.
- Making a private list of accounts that uplift rather than trigger: You can create a “safe list” — people, creators or communities who support your mental health — and spend time there instead of scrolling widely.
- Knowing that breaks from apps are allowed: Stepping away for a day, a week or the whole season is valid.
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Tools, techniques, and small practices to get through the season
When you’re navigating infertility, the holidays can activate emotions quickly — sometimes without warning. Having a few grounding tools ready can give you a sense of steadiness when the season feels unpredictable. These aren’t about “fixing” anything. They’re small, practical ways to support your nervous system. The NHS recommends simple grounding, breathing, journalling and self-check strategies to help reduce stress during emotionally challenging periods. [10]
Here are gentle practices you can use whenever you need them:
- Sensory grounding: Notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste. This is a widely used grounding technique in psychological therapies such as CBT.
- Breathing exercises: Slow, deep breathing can activate the body’s calming response; the NHS recommends inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 4, and exhaling for 6 (NHS Breathing Exercises).
- Journalling prompts:
- “What do I need today?”
- “What emotion is strongest right now?”
- “What would make this moment 10% easier?”
- Mini boundary scripts:
- “I’m taking a quick breather — I’ll be back in a moment.”
- “I’m choosing a quieter day today.”
- Emotional check-ins: Ask yourself: How am I feeling? What’s overwhelming me? What’s helping? What do I need next?
When holidays have been difficult before — and you’re scared they will be again
If previous holidays were painful — after a loss, during treatment, or in a year full of uncertainty — it’s understandable to feel apprehensive as the season approaches again. The brain forms strong associations between past distress and present triggers; trauma and grief research shows that anniversaries can reactivate emotional memories more intensely. [11]
You can acknowledge the anniversaries that matter to you, if you feel up to it: a due date that didn’t arrive, a scan date you remember, the day a cycle failed. Naming them doesn’t make the grief bigger — it gives it shape.
When you want to feel hope, but also feel protective of your heart
It’s common — and human — to hold hope and self-protection at the same time, and it’s something that many people going through infertility or fertility treatments feel. There are a fe ways to honour those feelings:
- You can acknowledge the tension instead of fighting it:
- “I’m hopeful, and I’m scared.”
- “I want this deeply, and I’m protecting myself too.”
- Writing a letter to yourself about what you’re proud of this year
- Allowing brief moments of hope — a minute, an hour — without forcing certainty
- Speaking to someone who understands infertility emotionally and clinically
- Creating a ritual of quiet reflection when the season feels overwhelming
And while every fertility path is unique, many people in our wider community describe finding glimmers of possibility again — sometimes after months or years of feeling stuck. You’re not alone in wanting to believe while keeping your heart safe. Hope doesn’t have to be loud or confident. It can be small, steady, and yours.
Infertility over the holidays FAQs
How do I avoid pregnancy-related triggers?
You can take simple steps to reduce the emotional impact of pregnancy-focused moments during the holidays. Curating your environment — both online and offline — can make the season feel more manageable. That might look like muting certain social media terms, stepping out of conversations when they become uncomfortable, or spending time with people who make you feel understood. You’re not expected to stay in situations that feel too heavy. Protecting your emotional wellbeing is a valid choice.
Is it okay to skip holiday events?
Yes. Choosing not to attend an event is a legitimate act of self-care, not a sign of distancing yourself from others. You’re allowed to put your wellbeing first, especially when gatherings feel emotionally loaded or centred around milestones that are painful for you right now. If you want to stay connected without attending everything, you can send a kind message, arrange a quieter catch-up, or join for a shorter visit. Your boundaries can be clear and compassionate at the same time.
Should I pause TTC over the holidays?
Pausing TTC during the festive season is absolutely an option, especially if you or your clinic need a break. Fertility timelines don’t depend on a single month, and taking time to rest can help you feel more grounded when you return to treatment or trying naturally. Some people use the season to focus on their emotional or physical health, reconnect with their partner, or step back from tracking for a short period. It’s entirely up to you.
Sources
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- Maternal Mental Health Alliance. Fertility challenges, assisted conception, and perinatal mental health. Published May 2025.
- Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority. Getting emotional support.
- NHS. Infertility. Last reviewed 9 August 2023.
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- Tian, J., Li, B., & Zhang, R. (2025). The Impact of Upward Social Comparison on Social Media on Appearance Anxiety: A Moderated Mediation Model. Behavioral Sciences, 15(1), 8. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs15010008.
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- Johns Hopkins Bloombery School of Public Health. How to Offer Support and Find Strength on a Trauma Anniversary. Aliza Rosen. 30 May 2024.